I can't get through this
by BelsisCaskett41319
Summary: After the crash jesus is injured, the doctors tried to make him look like his old self but they can't fix all of the damage. Jesus think that he can't get through this and becomes self conscious about his appearence and withdraws from people and it's up to the fosters,mariana and his friends to make him realized that he would always be loved.
1. The car crash

**AN: New story, i hope you like it and thanks to Balmz for suggesting this to me. I hope you like it. This chapter is just and introduction. The next ones would be larger.**

JESUS POV

Mariana is screaming, Anna is panicking and I don't know what is happening so I look through the window and a car is going to hit our car. Suddenly everything is dark. The only thing I'm able to think is that moms would be mad about the car.

STEF'S POV

I was called to a car accident with a death but now they are calling me for another car accident with two injured victims and a runaway. I'm near that accident so I prefer to help in there. I'm walking to the scene and my heart has stopped the moment I see my wife's Volvo crushed. I'm panicking. Where are my babies? My Miss Thing? My sport man? There is Anna in a hospital gurney with a cervical collar and her belly protected. I hope she would recover and the baby is fine but I need my kids.

-MOMMY!

I run, there's my baby girl, crying and frightened. I hug her, she's shaking.

-Shh, love, everything is ok. Everything is fine –I take her face in my hand to look her in the eyes but she is pointing to someone. Oh my god. Jesus is in another gurney with a cervical collar and cover in blood. I can't see his face. Now I'm the one shaking. My baby boy, his leg look dislocated and they are protecting his arms. I let go of my daughter and run through the ambulance.

-JESUS!

The paramedics are looking at me like I'm crazy but I'm not. I need to go with my boy.

-Please officer you have to go.

-No, I'm not going anywhere that's my son. Jesus Adams Foster. How is he?

-We don't know officer; we have to take him to the hospital. You can come with us.

-Can my daughter come too? She was in the car too but she is fine, I can't let her here.

-Yes.

Mariana and I enter the ambulance and I text Lena.

LENA's POV

I'm cooking dinner but my head is in the kiss with Monte, the disgusting feeling I have and the guiltiness I feel. How I'm going to tell my wife? I know I have to tell her but…How? My phone starts buzzing.

"Jesus and Mariana were in a car accident. Miss Thing is ok but Jesus is pretty bad. We are in Sacred Cross. Hurry up please. I need you love."

I freeze. My baby boy is hurt and my little girl has to be so scared.

-CALLIE, JUDE!

I hear footsteps and my eldest daughter and my youngest are at the kitchen. I don't know how to tell them.

-Um…mom texted me. Mari and Jesus had been in a car accident, Mariana is fine but Jesus is hurt, we need to go. –I'm in practical mode right now –Callie text Brandon and Mike, come on to the car.

We are in the car, Sacred Cross, I can't drive but Callie hasn't got her driver lesson yet and B is not here so I have to do this for my babies.

BRANDON'S POV

I had finished my audition to Idylwild, I think I did ok but I was having a strange feeling all the time. My phone is buzzing, is Callie: "Jesus and Mariana were in a car crash. They are at Sacred Cross. Mom is there and Mama is taking us. Hurry up"

My brain is not working, I can't move. I'm scared. I had never realized the love I have for my brother and sister, they had been with me almost all my life and now they are hurt…

-DAD!

My dad has enter the kitchen with a hurt feeling in her face so I suppose Callie or mom has contacted him.

-Did you..?

-Yes B, hurry up. We have to support your brother and sister.

I'm coming family, we can get through this. Together.


	2. My family talking to me

**AN: I do not own any The Fosters character.**

I can't open my eyes because I feel a hard weight against my eyes and my face is hot. What happened to me? I just remember Mariana screaming. What happened to my sister? I can't lose her; she is my life, my rock, the one that would always understand me, the one that would always support me. Wait. Someone is talking to me.

-Jesus, it's Mommy, you have to wake up love. You know, I'm scared; I'm scared that we would lose you, you had been in a coma for almost a week and we need you here. I need my sport man Jesus.

Mom gives me her famous three kiss in the forehead. I miss you mommy and I want to wake up but I can't open my eyes, I can't speak. I'm sorry.

-Stef, I think this is the longest he has been without moving. I miss his energy, he drives me crazy when he can't stop but I miss his messy Stef.

-I know love, I know. I miss that too but we just can have faith, faith that he would wake up.

I feel someone holding my hand and I know is my momma because the hand has long fingers and the skin is soft. In her voice earlier I feel a lot of love and hurt, I hate when my moms feel bad and I always want to protect them, now I feel helpless.

-Hey budy, this is so weird, you lying in a bed hospital all quiet and without any movement, I miss you, I had lose a baby Jesus, I had lose my Frankie and I can't lose another baby, I can't lose you so please, fight, wake up for us because we are nothing without our Jesus: Brandon doesn't want to play the piano, Jude feel lonely in his room and Callie miss playing basketball with you. And Mari, Mariana is so sad, she is not herself anymore, she doesn't want to talk with us, she doesn't want to go out or read magazines…Please baby, I love you.

My mama is kissing my cheek and I'm desperate to wake up but now I'm tired and I can't listen anything anymore.

I don't know how much time I was sleep but now someone is caressing my hair. Wait. That's Callie's voice? Callie is talking to me? I know that she is my sister and moms are going to adopt her soon but I never expected Callie to care about me. We have had some basketball match and we had laugh a lot, and she likes to tease me with Mariana all the time but we are not as close as she is with Mariana, Brandon or Jude.

-…listen, I know you think I don't love you or I'm not so close to you but I am, I love your craziness Jesus, your ADHD and the house is super quite without you in there. I want all my family with me at home. We I think of home, I smell mama's delicious food, I hear Brandon's music, Mariana's sassy voice, I picture Jude playing video games with you, your energy and Mom's laughter. We all have a place in that kitchen and we are missing you. So wake up soon brother.

If my eyes worked they would be crying right now, seriously. Callie had told me she loves me, she likes my energy and without realizing it she had called Stef and Lena mom and mama and she had called me brother. But I can't think a lot because I know I would have another sibling talking to me.

-Hey Jesus, it's Brandon. You know I love you and I miss fight with you so please recover soon and…I can't believe I'm going to say this but,…recover soon and kick my ass.

That was funny. I'm sure that would happen soon because is easy kick Brandon's ass.

Grams? What are she doing here? I mean…I'm not that bad, no?

-Hi baby boy, is your grandma Dana and grandpa Stuart. We are so scared baby but we know you would be fine, you are only 15, you have to do a lot of things in your life handsome. We would love you no matter what you think about…

-Mama, please, we just want to tell him we love him and we will be here for him so…

-Ok Lena –she puts her hand on my cheek and she have soft hands like mama –I love you Jesus.

-I love you too grandson, we would see the game when you wake up and I can't wait to tease you.

In this moment I'm realizing how many people we are in this family and I can't stop of loving it.

-Bro, I don't like to play video games alone because I don't have anyone to win so came home soon.

Love you Judicorn. Ok so moms, Callie, Brandon, Jude and gramps had talk with me so…now it's Mariana's turn. Or it's Grandma Sharon turn? Is she here too?

-Ma, you want to say something? –ok, so my mom is calling someone Ma and the only person she call Ma is my grandma so she is here too –Come on, then Miss Thing can talk to him alone.

-Hi handsome, I feel so sad seeing you like this but I know you would recover because grandma came here all the way to Florida just to see you waking up, to see your beautiful smile. I love you boy.

And then everyone starts whispering. What is happening? I'm alone now? No, my moms had told about Mariana but I don't hear anything. Minutes later I hear the door close and someone walking through my bed.

-Oh my god Jesus! –Mariana gasped in horror and I'm getting angrier because I can't move-this is the first time moms let me see you. The car accident was the most terrifying experience of my live, seeing that car hitting your side of our car and then…then I was out of the car but didn't know where you were, I was scared but mommy came, I saw her in her uniform and I knew we were going to be ok. You had to had seen her face Jesus, she was so frightening, so scared that I had never seen her like that. They made me stay at home recovering and…Jesus –she grabs my hand and squeezed it- we have a baby sister, her name is Isabella and was born the day of the car crash, she is a week and is so pretty. You have to know her, you have to help me and Anna raise her. –She is hugging me now and I feel tears in my shoulder –I need you, I know that you would wake up if I tell you that I need you to protect me, I need you to help me get through this and I promise that I would help you recover. Your face…you are not going to love your face but…oh my god, your eyes, you are moving your eyes.

And I open my eyes and all I can see is a white ceiling and my sister hugging me and pressing a button. –Ma…Mariana?

She cup my face with her hands and smile at me but I have something in my head and I my face and something strange in my left eye. My face is hot and I'm missing part of my cheeks? What happened to my face?

All my family enter the room and I had never been so glad to seen them all. My mama looks beautiful in her blouse, skirt and hair out of her face but she looks pale and she has eye bags. Mom also looks tired with her sweatshirt, jeans and her favorite pair of boots; she also has her hair in a messy bun. I had never realized how good they look together because usually I moan every time they kiss but now, mama is resting her body against mom while they look at each other with tears in her eyes and big smiles. In this moment they are showing all the love they have for me. My siblings look ok but I can see a little worry on their faces.

-Hi family, you look tired

-Oh ha, don't continue that way young man or you will see

-I'm sooo scared mom

I can't stop laughing at her amused look. This is what I like about our relationship, that we tease each other and laugh at each other, we are so alike. Ok, now they are all looking at me with faces of pity.

-What? What happen?

Mariana squeeze my hand and look at me with worry in her eyes while mom gives me a mirror to look at my face and I can't stop the scream. My right cheek is defaced and my left eye has a very long scar across it. But that's not all, I have burns and scars that are healing and my face is hot because of that. My left leg is broken so I have a plaster on it. I'm super ugly. Anyone would love me with this face, with this disfiguration in my face and scars. But I look at my family and they are here, my moms are hugging me in a mama sandwich and my siblings are smiling at me.

Who can they love me? No. That's impossible.

 **AN: Jesus would love himself again? What do you think? He would lose his self-esteem ? Please let me reviews because they are the best way of inspiring me to continue with this story. I promise love, support and a happy ending. I want you to make suggestions about the next chapters, what you want to see. I love you guys.**


	3. Opening up to moms

**Hi guys! New chapter, i hope you like it! I do not own the Fosters and thanks to Balmz again :)**

This is a nightmare. I'm here in my hospital bed feeling like crap, trying to pretend I am fine for my family but I am not. Every time I see my face I see a monster. I don't know how to laugh anymore. I don't know how to smile anymore. I don't know how to be happy. Since I was a kid my siblings were good at something: Brandon was the best at music and he has no difficulty with studies and Mariana know how to dance, sing, acting and she is like a genius in school and now Callie has the photography and Jude is good at writing and they are definitely better than me in school so the only thing I consider myself good at is sports. The only thing my moms could be proud of me. But now I don't know how to be the funny guy I was before. I don't have a right cheek, I have an awful scar across my left eye, the doctor had told me that I would have the burns in my right ear permanently. To be honest I had always consider myself handsome and that was my only way of be confident but now, now any girl would be with me.

-Hey 'Sus, c'mon everything is ready to go love.

-Why you have a wheelchair?

-It's policy of the hospital, don't worry you would have crutches for two weeks; your leg is not well enough baby.

So, this is going to be my life now? Having to ask for help? See pity in my family eyes?

The ride home has been awful, my moms tried to talk with me but I don't want to talk.

-I want to go to my room, I don't want dinner mama.

And with that I go upstairs, step to step, slowly, _too slowly_ , until I am in my room. I close the door, the blinds and the windows: no noises, no light, just me and my bed. This is the only moment I have to cry. I cry because I am helpless, because I am not myself anymore, because I don't want nothing to do with my family anymore, because I can't go to Flindwood, because I can't be a wrestler anymore: the doctor had told us that my leg would not work as fine as before anymore. I cry because I hate myself. And finally I am in dreamland.

Two hours later I wake up to my brother doing his homework and my sisters fighting in the bathroom. Usually I would be thrilled to hear my family dynamics but now I hate it all. I am thirsty so I take my crutches and headed downstairs but one wrong step and I fell down the stairs.

-Aweeeee! –My head hurts, my arm is bleeding and my leg is hurting again – Shit.

Mom came running down the stairs –Jesus! What the hell happened?

-I fell, this dam crutches and those stairs. I am a mess.

-Oh baby bug, you are not, you are just awfully hurt but we would help you.

-NO! ANYONE CAN HELP ME! ANYONE! –I have a lot of energy right now, I don't know how but I am in my crutches again and heading to the backyard, I am near Frankie's tree –ARGH! I hate myself.

Someone is crying behind me. Is mom. –Please, don't say that ever again.

-Is the truth.

-Sit down here with me, baby, come here. We have to talk.

-What?!

-Watch the attitude Jesus! I just want to talk to you. –I know she want me to look in her eyes. My mom is the one that always want eye contact, always want to touch us and make sure we are ok – Listen to me love, I know how you feel.

-NO, you don't know, you can't.

-I do, remember when I was shooting? –I just nodded –Your mama had to help me do everything, I couldn't get up by myself, have a shower by myself or ever hug her because all my body hurts. I hated it, couldn't be able to help, having to ask for help. You think I was happy with that? No I was not. The first week I was in the hospital I didn't want anyone in my family to be near me, not even your mama, the love of my life, my soon-to-be-wife. You were all looking at me with pity eyes and I just hated it. That was not the only time. When you were around 8 or 9 I broke my left leg and I was on crutches too, you remember?

-Yes, It was to cool to see u in a wheelchair and falling

-Oh geez, thanks son. –She laugh and I am feeling better but just for two seconds. –What I was saying is, that time I had to let your mama with three young kids, full of energy that needed help with homework, needed rides or wanted their mommy to run with them. I felt helpless but your mama always reassures me that the only thing I have to do is get better so I could help again. The only thing you need now Jesus, is love and support.

-Mom…I –I don't want to cry in front of her so I look away but she take my chin in her hands and make me look at her, I let a tear run down my cheek –I don't just feel helpless, I feel ugly, I feel depressed, I feel like I hate you all but that can't be possible because you are the most important thing but mom… I can't even go downstairs without fell; I can't look at the mirror mom.

She hugs me and that's the only thing I need right now –You are still handsome to me and your mama –Another two arms are wrapping me in a hug, my mama is completing the mama sandwich and she whispers in my ear: for me, mom, your siblings and anyone else that love you and knows you think you are handsome. You still have those big chocolate eyes, that hair that fell in your eyes, you are still good-looking son.

-How I am supposed to believe that from someone that is just attracted to women?

They laugh that beautiful laugh – Because like you we can see the beauty in a man even if we are just attracted to women.

-Hey woman, I hope you are only attracted to me –mama is doing a hurting face and mom's eyes are shinning with love

-Of course my love, I _hope you just kiss this woman_

I look at them with confusion. They kiss –Ew, ok, I think I am going inside. Thank you for this conversation, it helps me, I am not completely fine but I am better.

Before going inside I want to talk with Frankie, is something moms and Mariana always do when they are sad.

-Hi Frankie, how are you? I am a mess right now, you know why? Because I can't do what I used to do and because I am ugly. Moms told me that I'm still handsome but you know they are my moms, what they are supposed to say? I just want to be my old self again. And I also hope you were here, your due date is coming and I am sure we all be devastated that day. I love you baby sister.

I stroke the tree leaves and go inside. Going upstairs is easiest so I go there and into the bathroom, brush my teeth, wash my face and into the room. I was feeling better but now, now I just want to spend the rest of my life behind my sheets.

-Good night Jesus.

"Good night Jude, I love you" is what I want to say but why I can't talk with my brother? Why can't I have all the energy I used to have? I just hope time, family and friends would help to get through this.

 **AN: I want your opinion. This is just the begining of Jesus's deppresion, he would "hate" everyone, blame someone for the accident, deal with angry outburst and of course he would go to theraphy. You want more Stef/Lena/Jesus? Of course Mariana would have an important paper in her brother depression and she would feel awful for him. Hope you liked it. I would try to update before the end of the month. Happy Spring Break :)**


	4. Jesus and Mariana

**AN: Sorry for my lack of updates but my father has cancer and we are having a rough time. I'm working on the next chapter of this story and the next one of In Love With You. Hope you like this. XoXo**

This past week had been a nightmare, I can't face my family. Usually my favorite parts of the day are breakfast and dinner because we are all together, we laugh, we talk about everything, our mothers get affectionate and my siblings and I can be ourselves AND I can eat, a lot. But now, that's the worst part of my day because I have to sit down with them and pretend I am ok. But what they don't realize is that they are acting different around me: mom doesn't yell at me for my mess, mama doesn't remind me to bring my books to school, Callie talk to me more than normal, Brandon used to make fun at me, not anymore and Jude, poor Jude, just stare at me with pity. I don't want that, what I want is for them to act normal, to yell at me, make fun of me for my mess or just look at me normal, not with pity. Another thing that is different is my appetitive; I not get hungry any more: I took some banana, bacon and milk for breakfast, a mini sandwich for lunch and half of the plate for dinner.

Another different thing in my life is school: I used to hang out with everyone in my class and the girls used to look at me. Now everyone avoid my face, my presence. The first day in school after the accident was yesterday and I wanted to hide. In class I sit down alone at the far end of the room because that way they can't look at me. Mariana always sit down beside me in the class we share together.

Mariana.

She is the only thing that never change in my life: my house had not always be the same, my friends had always changed, hell, even my foster families until the Fosters but not Mariana, she has always been my twin sister: the beautiful, brilliant, nosy and sometimes annoying Mariana. We were together at birth, we were together in foster care and we were together in our adoption day. Every time that something goes wrong we are together and even if we make fun of one another we share a love that is unconditionally, I think the love I have for my twin sister is the most pure and magnificent love I would ever have for another human begin. Don't get me wrong, I love Callie and I would protect her for the world and she would always be my sister like Brandon and Jude would always be my brothers but Mariana, Mariana would always be my rock.

I always had this feeling of protecting her, like when…

 _"_ _Our mother returned the day before after letting us alone for three days and she came home with her new boyfriend, a drug dealer who punched me on the face but I didn't cry, I never cried in front of Mariana. I kissed her on the cheek and told her:_

 _-Come here Mariana, I'm going to give us food._

 _I pulled a chair to the counter, told Mariana to hold the chair legs, I climbed onto the counter and opened the drawers, in the last one I found some biscuits and less than half a loaf:_

 _–_ _Mariana, coge esto (take this) –Mariana took what I was giving her, let everything on the floor and helped me off the chair. We sit down behind the dinner table sharing the food but I let four cookies and a bit of bread knowing that our mother was not going to give us anything to eat and Mariana needed more than me._

 _-Jesus, mommy doesn't love us?_

 _-I don't know Mariana, I think she likes those things more than us but we are together and would never be apart. Our love is unconditional and that's what matters._

 _-But…are not moms supposed to love their children?_

 _-Mariana, no importa, dejalo ya –in that moment I heard someone approaching the kitchen so I covered my sister's mouth with my little hand and hoped that she would not freak out. I saw how Ana's boyfriend opened the fridge and pulled food, enough for Mariana and me, out into the table. Ana woke up and started having a fight with him, then it was silence again so Mariana and I went to the living room where our mother was sitting in the sofa in shock with drugs on the table. I knew the name because I had heard it in the adults conversations._

 _Mariana, slowly, approached our biological mother and hugged her but Ana didn't respond to her. So both of us returned to the kitchen and started eating food from the fridge. I put some music on for Mariana who always danced when is upset but this time she didn't dance or sing so I danced with her allowing ourselves a piece of happiness in the midst of all this horror._

 _But suddenly our mom came in and turned the music off, grabbed a bottle of vodka, later she fell to the floor, unconscious for hours. Ana's boyfriend woke her up with punches and kicks, they started a fight again. We ran to our room, crying. After waiting for hours our mom opened the door, hugged and kissed us._

 _–_ _My little Jesus and sweet Mariana, Merry Christmas. I'm going last minute shopping for Christmas but I would be back soon._

 _She never came back, five days later we spent our fourth Christmas without a family, sad and missing our mother. We had nothing to drink or eat and there where when my felling of protecting her no matter what appeared._

 _-Jesus, I'm hungry._

 _-I know Mari, I don't know what to do to protect you, but I have to protect you._

 _-We ask for help?_

 _We did that, took to the street for the first time in a long period of time and went to our neighbor's home, knocking at the door and in that moment our journey to happiness started"_

That was just the beginning of a lot of situation where I had to put myself to protect Mariana.

 _"_ _-DON'T HURT HER, DON'T HURT HER._

 _Our foster father was punching Mariana on the face when I entered our room so I put myself between them and let him punch me instead of her. I could feel that she was feeling useless but she wasn't, she was my rock and I couldn't let that man hurt her. The next day our social worker took us away of that house."_

I remember the first day of school, a lot of kids were laughing at her because of her Belle dress and I remember myself yelling at them and telling them to let my sister alone, Mama was there to our rescue too.

I even protected her for our moms the first months we were here:

 _"_ _Lena was trying to punish Mariana for broke one of Brandon's legos because she wanted to play another game._

 _-Mariana, what you did was a very mean thing, that was one of Brandon's favorite games and you break it. Imagine how you would feel if Brandon or Jesus break your favorite doll, the one you are hugging right now._

 _-Lena, it was not her who broke it, it was me! I thought Brandon's game was dumb and I broke it!_

 _Of course neither Lena nor Stef believed me but they punished us together: me for lying and Mariana for broking Brandon's game on purpose."_

And of course you all know my way to protect her for the pills fiasco.

But now I feel like she is the one who is protecting me: when we are at the table with our family she always remind me the mess I had left in the bathroom, or remind me the class we have the next day so I would put the books in my backpack, she would make fun of me even if everyone would look at her like she is a mean person and she even would distract Jude from his stare at me. At school she would sit next to me and if everyone turned their head to look at me she would shot them the Mariana Evil Queens's look.

-I can't believe they are all staring at you like you are the Beast of something. I mean, you still have your beautiful face just had some scars in it but doesn't matter and you still have your eyes and…

-Mariana, MARIANA! Stop ok? Please, sit down here with me.

We sit down on the couch, we are alone in the first floor, I am sleeping in the living room until my leg is better. Suddenly I am regretting trying to talk to her because I don't want to lost this connection. Her hand is on my chin and she makes me look at her eyes, the same color as mine. Oh, wait. Why crying Mariana?

-Ey, why are you crying Mariana?

-Is…is just that….that I hate seeing you like that.

-I can't help it Mariana, I'm a mess. Look at my face for god shake, this scar across my eye, or the burns that will be around my ear permanently or…or the worst is this cheekbone Mariana, I'm defeated and it would be almost impossible to regenerate it. And….-now I am crying in her shoulder and she is caressing my hair so gently – and…I would never play sports the same way I used to. That, playing sport, the wrestling team, was my life Mariana.

-Sh, Jesus, you want to know what I think when I look at your face? –I nodded – I feel relieved, relieved because you survived that horrible accident and you are here now with your family. Because they all can be happy: mom would not be depressed, mama would not cry all the time, Jude would have his smile again, Brandon would practice with the piano and Callie would take photos of you when you aren't looking.

-Really? They didn't do that when I was at hospital?

-No

-And you? It would be different for you?

-JESUS! What a question! Without you I lose my rock, I would lose the only person that had been all my life with me; I would lose my other half. You are everything to me Jesus and you know what would I do without you? I would never sing again, or dance again, I would be that afraid and lonely little girl that needed you all the time and…and if you are not with me, how would I survive?

Mariana start crying and I hug her with everything I have because that's the only tru I know right now. Even with all the darkness, my family is the only light I have and Mariana, Mariana is my rock.

What would I be without her?

Absolutely nothing.


	5. Surprises

When I wake up two days after my conversation with Mariana, I found an envelope on my desk. I open it and found a letter

 _Dear Jesus,_

 _This past month I had seen you became more and more depressed, your energy is nowhere in here and I don't know if you know this but for me that's wrong. I'm sure for moms, not having your mess around is wonderful but for me, there's no home without your mess, so I want you to get up and meet me at the backyard. Mariana and I have a series of surprises for you, just to make you happy, to see that goofy smile on your face again._

 _With love, your sisters._

 _Callie and Mariana._

I get up, put a T-shirt on and get out of my room. All the doors of the house are closed and there's Polaroid everywhere I look. I look at my door and there is one of me when I was a baby and below the photo there's a pos-it: _Here you have a beautiful smile, beautiful eyes and a beautiful face_ , the second one is on mom's bedroom door and is one of me when I first came to live with moms and Brandon: _Here you have a goofy and devil smile and a beautiful face_ ; the third one is on Callie and Mariana's room and is the one we took at the camp this year: _Here you cause a lot of problems but_ _you still have a beautiful face and eyes_ and the last one is a series of negatives on Brandon's door: _If you want to know what this photos are you should came to the living room_. So I went there and I found Jude smiling at me with two remote controls in front of the TV:

-Hi bro, I need you to play some video games with me, you just have to sit down with me and then I would give you one of the photos. –I look at him with disbelieve in my eyes –C'mon it would be fun!

I sit down beside him, put my broken leg in a comfortable position and we started playing the game, at first I'm playing with less enthusiasm but by the time I saw how happy Jude is because he is beating my ass, I started enjoying the game: You are going to die bro, I'm gonna beat your ass Jude!

-Ha, I have so much more practice so it would be difficult!

It really was difficult but I finally win, maybe he let me win but I don't care because I missed playing with my little bro. He looks at me, smiling and gives me two Polaroid: what's this?

-Dunno, Callie just told me to give it to you so I have no idea.

These photos are weird: there's an eye closed and then…wait…this are my lips?: _Don't think, soon you would have the complete puzzle, now, can you smell something?_

Food. Mama's pancakes. Mom's bacon. Mariana's eggs. And Callie's French toast. I'm really hungry. For the first time in a month I'm really hungry.

-Hey Mama, something smell really good in here!

-hey honey, how are you? –she gives me a kiss on the ckeek, _ON THE WRONG ONE,_ and she acts like my face is still the same, how can she do that?

-Actually I'm really intrigued today with all this photos.

-Are u hungry baby? –mom gives me a hug and a kiss on the scar in my left eye and after her question I'm surprised because I'm really hungry

-Yeaaah, I'm really hungry

Jude and Brandon joined us in the kitchen and we had a very beautiful time: mom started joking and teasing mama who started get pissed at her but they finally kissed and Mariana put some music while we did the dishes and cleaned the table. Callie approached me and gave me another polaroid: it was another eye, this time open.

-What is this? When am I going to finish the puzzle?

-Think, what parts do you have?

-Two eyes and the lips

-So…?

-THE NOSE!

-Yes –said Brandon from the backyard doors – and that's why I am here, follow me dude.

I follow him, slowly because of my crutches, but we end in the garage where his keyboard and a chair are.

-What's this?

-I'm going to sing you a song, one of your favorite singers, maybe not your favorite song from him but the one that mean the most to me in this moment and then I would give you the polaroid but with one condition.

-What condition?

-Only if you smile I would give you the photo.

I don't respond to him because this days I'm not one of a smiler so I give him a nod and he started playing the keyboard and "Count on me" from Bruno Mars came to my mind. In fact, it's the one with more meaning to me at this moment and having Brandon singing it to me is…is fucking amazing.

 _"_ _If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea, I'll sail the world to find you_

 _If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see, I'll be the guide to guide you_

 _…_

 _You can count on me like 1,2,3 I'll be there…and I know when I need it I can count on u like 4,3,2 You'll be there_

 _Cause that's what's I'm supposed to do ohhh ohhh ohhh_

 _If youre tossing and your turning and you just cant fall asleep…ill sing a song beside you_

 _And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me…everyday i will remind you_

 _You can count on me like 123…I'll be there_

 _And i know when i need it i can count on you like 432_

 _And you'll be there …cause that's what family is supposed to do_

 _ooooh yeah..! ooooooh oooooh.._

 _You'll always have my shoulder when you cry I'll never let go, never say goodbyeee_

 _…"_

You would not believe this but when Brandon finished singing I cried, and he really put his shoulder for me to cry and he hold me tight until I finally smile at him: Thank you B, you really are awesome.

He gave me the final piece of the puzzle with a note: _Now, please come to the kitchen and we will help you put it together._

Once I'm in there my whole family are waiting for me, Stef, Lena, Brandon, Jude and Mariana are on one side of the table and Callie on the other near my stool.

-Jesus, it's time for us to put the puzzle together. Give me the polaroid of you as a little baby –She put it first –now, the one of you when you were five – she put it near the previous one – now the one at the camp –did the same – and now we put all the pieces together –Callie look me directly on the eyes and told me: the right eye, the one is open is from when you were a baby, the lips are from the photo in the camp, the nose is from when you were five….can you look at the left eye?

When I look at it I see the scar!

-Is that? Is that my scar?

-Yes Jesus, it is, I put all of this not just because you would be out of your room and smile but because we all want you to see that you are the same with or without damage. What is a scar and a disfiguration? You can see, smell, think, use your arms and legs and kiss. And with this it would be clear who loves you and who doesn't. Moms told you that they loved you the other day, Mariana did the same, Jude have had a good time playing with you and he told you he loved you, Brandon told yo that singing and I demonstrate my love with this gesture. I'm sure that tomorrow in school all your friends, Emma, Marc, the wrestle team…would demonstrate you how much they love you. So….please, see that you are beautiful inside and out brother.

I give her a hug, a bear hug, because I don't know where my word are and suddenly all my family is in that hug. I'm starting to realize that I can still have a good life: I would always have my family, I would find a job, a wife, have children and face the fact that I have scars that in some way helped me survive.

So, can I be happy again? What do you think?


	6. Lexi or emma?

Love is a strange feeling, I think I experienced twice. My first love would always be Lexi, she have been in my life almost forever but at 15 I started smiling every time I thought about her, I always wanted to touch her, kiss her and hug her, yes, definitely I was in love with her. We broke up because she left but I am sure we would still be together if she was back here.

Emma was my second love, I really loved her, she was a free spirit, she was funny, smart, beautiful and loved sports as much as I do but she was to free for me, I wanted more romantic things and she didn't and that's why we broke up.

I never loved Hayley. She was too busy and a very manipulative person. No, I never loved her.

But now that I am scarred I keep feeling like I would never been in love again or better, that I would be in love but I would never have a girlfriend because girls don't like boys like me even if my moms and sisters said it didn't matter. Today in first period I have a class with Emma.

-Hey Em

She immediately hugs me –Oh my God Jesus, are you ok? The nurses never let me enter your room because only close family was allowed. You seem ok to me –she hugs me again – oh my god I'm so relieve.

She see me ok? Is she blind or what?

-Are you blind or what Emm? I don't look ok, look at my face, I have scars and I'm defeated.

-Mariana told me about this but I didn't believe her because it's not like you Jesus, you think I like a guy just because she is handsome or strong? I like a boy if he is funny, sensitive, honest and if he demonstrate to me that he love me. You have beautiful eyes, big and beautiful smile and you are still yourself inside, right?

-Yes…I suppose.

After my conversation with Emma I was so much happy and a little more confident. What if I actually have a chance with her? So I asked her if she would go out with me after school and she said yes. And here we are, having a walk while eating ice-cream.

-You enjoying it? –Emma is enjoying the ice-cream more than a little kid

-Yes, it's so good, yumm. Anyway, told me how you feel, I'm not just your ex-girlfriend, I'm your friend and I care about you so told me.

-Where fo I start? The first weeks were horrible, I was in bed: crying and feeling tired, feeling like crap, I didn't talk with neither of my moms or my siblings and I was mad all the time but I was mad because I felt ugly and I don't like to feel ugly, I just wanted to be myself again so I first talked to mom and they told me they were proud of me and they would forever love me and blab la bla, I mean, they are my mothers –I sighed – what are they suppose to tell me? But then, then Callie and Mariana made this super awesome round around the house looking for photographs involving all my siblings and they told me that my face was the same, exactly the same and that they didn't care. I still feel insecure and a little sad but I am healing, I suppose.

Emma look at me with tears in her eyes and give a lingering kiss on the lips –And you feels like nobody would ever love you? That you would never have a girlfriend? –I nodded- I promise you that girls would still found you attractive, when you look at them with those eyes, when you smile at them or when you take your shirt off too.

We laugh and then see the sunset until I receive a text from Mariana telling me that dinner is almost ready and I have to be at home in 10 minutes so Emma took me in her car. She stop in my driveway and I look at her: thank you, you really make me smile today and you made me feel like myself again.

Suddenly her lips are on mine and I realize that I can still do this, that nothing forbid me from this and that she meant everything she said earlier. We kissed for two minutes until we needs air. She said: this means nothing Jesus, it was just the moment, ok? I'm not ready for a relationship yet.

-Yeah, yeah, me neither. Don't worry.

We hug each other and I enter the house, when I enter the kitchen I count the people in there and there are seven people, there's someone there that shouldn't be, she is in my stool and…Oh my god, is my first love, is Lexi, sitting there beside Mariana, laughing that beautiful smile.

-Lexi? –She turn around and immediately hug me, she has tears in her eyes –What are you doing here?

-We came back, my parents and I can officially live in America. But we came early because I was worried about you and Mariana. Are you ok?

Her eyes stop in my scars for a moment but immediately look at my eyes again and smile.

-Yeah, can we eat and then I told you everything?

-Yes, of course.

We have a very relaxing dinner where Lexi told us everything about her time in Latin America and then we went to my bedroom:

.How are you really doing? I know you and I don't see the happiness in your eyes…

-Because I'm not happy Lexi, I'm depressed, I can play sport, I can wrestle…and look at my face.

-Mariana told me about this too, listen –she put her hand on my scars and look at my eyes – you are beautiful with or without scars, with or without this defeated cheek. You think I was in a relationship with you just because you are handsome? –I look at her grinning- Well, yes, that was one of the reasons but I love you because you are funny, generous, sensible and one of the best friends I know. Your eyes used to shine with happiness and I hope I can take that happy memories again.

And she kissed me, in less than 3 hours two girls had kissed me, the two girls I had ever loved but with Lexi…it was more familiar, it was better. We make out for a while until I hear Mariana's scream and there she is, smiling like crazy at us.

-OMG, OMG, I love this, I love this!

Lexi stands up and told her that it was just a kiss, that we are nothing yet. And suddenly I am smiling and joking with them again, the three of us had been friends since we came here ten years ago so…being reunited with Lexi is what make me even more happy.

…

This past three months I had started to be myself again, the scar on my left eye is not bothering me anymore, my hair hides the burn marks and the doctor told me something that help me get through this:

-Jesus, the disfigurement is irreparable, I'm so sorry but we told your moms we couldn't do anything and we can't, is impossible with this type of things but I have something that can make you so happy –mom grab my hand and squeeze it, giving me hope- You want to know what it is?

-Yes, please

-The leg is much better with all the rehabilitation we had done and now you have a 70% of mobility, if we perform a surgery we can improve it to a 90%, of course after the surgery you would have to continue with the rehabilitation exercises but in 4 months you would be able to practice sports again, not all sports but you could wrestle again or idk, you like baseball? What about football? The only thing you have to do with your legs there is run. What do you think?

-I…I don't know –I look at my moms –I want to talk to you –Then I look at the doctor again- Can I have time to consider it?

-Yes, talk to your moms, think about this and then call me with a decision.

At home we talked about it:

-Son, you have two options: stay like you are with a 70% of mobility or do the surgery and probably you can have a 90% of mobility. With the 70% you can have a normal life and play sports like tennis or paddle and with the surgery you would be able to do what you like the most: play baseball, football, even wrestle. We would support you in every decision. We did this with Brandon when we realized it was his decision.

The next day I decided I wanted to play sports again, I wanted to do what I liked the most. So the next month they did it and now, in this two months and one more I'm doing rehab exercises and then I can play again, slowly, but I can do what I'm best at.

What about love life? Well, I decided I wanted to be just friends with Emma and Lexi until I was myself again and knew who I wanted to be with. And it have been right, we went out on friendly dates, we sat together in class and they weren't jealous when I started hanging out with Maddie but we just made out and had sex, nothing more. But now that I have my life back again I had made a decision and Lexi is the one I want to be with.

Tomorrow I had to tell them this and ask Lexi out. I hope everything goes well and we have future.


	7. One year anniversary

**AN: This is the end guys, i hope you loved this. With this story i wanted to give hope to those who losed it. I want you to believe that everything is possible even if the baddest thing happens to you so Happy New Year everyone and I hope you enjoy this.**

Today marks a year since Anna, Mariana and me had the car accident and my mom had been working so hard to find the person who did it but it is difficult and we are ok, after all. A lot of things had changed in the past year in my life but now I am more happy because finally I have my legs working on a 95% again, that it´s even better than what the doctor hoped, so I am at wrestling and volleyball team again. I have a beautiful girlfriend in Lexi: she is the most supportive, generous and hilarious person I had ever met and I also had my friends with me: Nick, Emma, Maia and Jordan. Emma and Nick had started dating and I know that Maia and Jordan would be at it soon.

-JESUS, ARE YOU READY? WE ARE GONNA BE LATE TO MY DANCE COMPETITION! IT HAS BEEN A YEAR SINCE THE LAST ONE!

-I'M COMING!

-Can you please not yell in the house Jesus?

-Mariana started!

-I know but you are th one in here –Mama kiss me on the cheek –You ready or you need any help?

-Mama, I am fine, I just want you to check if the burns scars are covered and if the bandage cover my cheek

-Yes son, everything look fine but as I always told you, you are handsome with or without scars

-I know I know. C'mon I don't want to wake up the beast

-I HEARD THAT!

-I DON'T CARE! AUCH –I hear Mariana complaining as well- Why did you do that?

-Because you forgot to not yell at the house!

We arrive to the school gym and there is Lexi waiting for us with an entire row of chairs. When she sees me she came running to me and I wrap my arms around her and then kiss her.

-Hi beautiful, you wanna watch the dance with me?

-Of course I want! Are you ready for your first match today?

-Yeah….but I don't want to think about it. I want to see Mariana win this again and then I would start worrying about the volleyball match.

-You don't have to, you are going to win, like I did last week.

I smile at her and kiss her just before Hayley's dance group start dancing so Lexi and I start talking in whispers: Callie and Brandon have their graduation in two weeks, can you imagine that next year we would be there? Graduating and going to college?

-Yeah, Mariana and I already started our applications: she wants things like Harvard, Princeton or Yale. Matt is going to Berklee so she is also looking at Brown. I really want to stay here: Berkley, UCLA, CU…I don't care but I like this side of the country.

Mariana's team is on stage so we stop talking. She does brilliantly and they win, of course.

Now is time for my match, for the first time in a year I am going to play sports "professionally", I am going to play in my first match, with my team and my friends and family are here to support me. Nick and Emma, Mariana and Matt, Callie and AJ, Brandon and Courtney, Jude and Noah and Jordan is here with Maia as well. My moms are wairing my volleyball number in their T-shirts and holding a banner with my name. They embarrass me as the same time I adore them. Of course Lexi is wearing the biggest smile just for me so, yes, I am going to win this.

My team is 5 points below the other one and they had not let me play in my position so now tha we are on a break I have to tell them.

-Please, mister, let me play in my position, I can do it, I have been working so hard this months and my legs are 95% fine so I can make it, I know I can. Please.

They deliver for a moment until they tell me: Ok, Foster but if something is wrong tell me. Ok?

-Sure.

That was a great decision, I have make 3 points myself, there's just 10 minutes and we can make it, just 3 or 4 more and we would win. The ball is coming to me, I have to make it, I have to score this!

YES! YES! JESUS YOU WIN, YOU WIN!

Lexi gets in my back and kiss my neck while Mariana hug me front. My two girls in my arms and my whole team cheering for me! After congratulations and a much deserved shower we head home to celebrated!

So, you see, even if something as horrible as a car accident happens to you, you can survive with the support of your friends and family. And one day, like me, you would realize that you can continue believing in your dreams because there are people out there that are helping you believe too.

Love you all, Jesus Adams Foster

THE END

 **Love, xoxo**


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